Thinking Back...

As I finally sit down, after running around from 6am until 10:30 pm, I look back and wonder where the time went and how in the world did I feel so overwhelmed at something so precious and simple.

For all of you new mommies out there, most of you know how I feel. I remember sitting in my living room this evening last year (much like this evening) surrounded by my family. We were doing our best to stay calm and relax for we knew tomorrow would bring us into a whole new world and that it DID!! I was scared. I was nervous. I was VERY emotional (sorry honey!) and I was READY. Thoughts ran thru my head: Would it be easy, like my girlfriends said it would? Would it be gross and hurt? How would I feel? What would Keith do and how were we going to handle this new stage in our lives? I would never imagine the feelings I would go through and believe me at this stage of the process, I could cycle through the emotions like I was winning the GOLD medal in the Olympics.

At the time, it all seemed so overwhelming, mostly because I put so much pressure on myself to be the perfect, put-together, calm, "I got it", I will do-it-all by myself SUPER Mommy. If only I knew that all I needed to do was sit back, relax, and enjoy time and "Super Mommy" would come as my son looked up at me with LOVE in his eyes. Don't get me wrong, I am not always that high strung (ok, well...maybe I am) and this past year hasn't been miserable or negative and I don't have huge regrets...I just wish that I would have spent less time on the "Cover Girl" Mommy pedestal I put myself on and more time on the down-to-earth, love-it-or-leave-it Mommy I really was.

Looking back, things that seemed so overwhelming and so HARD, were nothing of the sort. I LOVE that I can help pass that knowledge down to my sister and I LOVE that I had a sister to help me, even in my deepest, darkest moments of need. I Love ya, Gia.

Life is beautiful. The gift of giving it, is priceless. The moments are swift and the time flies.

As I sit here and reflect on the past year, I have learned to stop being so self-critical, enjoy each special moment for they soon become special memories, and continuously say to myself, "What in the world was such a big deal?" I can't even begin to tell each and every one of you the amount of personal growth I have conquered in the past year. Some of that growth will be known only by me because it is growth from within. Some of that growth is evident and apparent in the outward appearances of the real world and some of that growth is present but yet to be recognized by even me.

Some Mommies out there don't appear to have issues, don't appear to be vulnerable and don't appear to stumble. But, the truth is, we all stumble a little...it's what we do with it when we get back up that counts!

To my Mom...I Love You and I have a NEW FOUND respect for you and Daddy! To my "ROCKS" (whom I can hold in one hand) I LOVE YOU dearly and could not have made it through this year without YOU!